| From: |  Daniel
Holdsworth (danielholdsworth33@hotmail.co.uk) |
| Sent: | 11 December 2009 02:02:26 |
| To: | malcolm.hoddy@keighleynews.co.uk |
Dear Malcolm,
Not one for blowing my own trumpet too often I would like
to bring to your attention that I was the one everyone was jealous of in the
early 80's for having the hardest conker in Keighley. Yes not one each year, the
very same conker kept winning for 3 years running until Joanne Myers got some
conkers from Canada which were 10 times bigger than our English attempts. I've
always wondered how they are so much bigger over there, maybe they urinate on
the tree to give it nutrients. It's the same in Germany, their slugs and snails
are far superior. Its a good job it wasnt snails fighting in the war or we'd
have had it. Getting back to this serious matter, Joannes fresh new shiney
goliath conker shatterred my 364 timer and I cried for days.
I never
baked the conker or soaked in in vinegar, that would simply be cheating. No I
simply coated it with superglue which worked out very well in the end but I did
get some on my hands and got stuck to the cat when I tried to push it away. I
felt terrible when I had to simply rip my hand off Sneezy when I heard my father
coming into the room. I had a hairy hand for a week afterwards.
Anyway,
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I would like to suggest myself as
an unsung hero of sport in Keighley for being the champion at conkers throughout
the whole of Swire Smith School. You might have heard of me as they called me
Conker King every autumn. The rest of the year they reverted to calling me Danny
Fanny which used to get me into a fight everyday and a visit to see the
headmaster Mr Dyke. He didn't like me but at least he called me
Daniel.
So can I be the unsung hero of sport? If this isn't an
achievement worthy of some kind of key to the town or a big fat trophy then I
don't know what is. Please let me know if I am in the running. If it tips
things in my favour I've never sung in my life.
I look forward to
hearing from you.
Daniel Holdsworth a.k.a. Conker King (not Danny
Fanny)
